Circle of Life

Tonight I was out with Tamara and her family and we discussed happiness and the choice that we make that will utilmately make our future.
The first thing I realized [which I want to try to change personally] is the same petty drama that I go through now will probably be the same or worse when we are older. At the table we were with 3 educated, talented, middle-age women but the real similiarty was they have all been through hard, stressful relationships. What? Yep, I'm 19 and this is what I have to look forward too; I dont know if I'm ready to take on this drama again.

Why as females do we sacrficie so much but get so little in return? And why dont we demand more? Everyday I try to find an answer to this question and honestly day by day I can piece my answers together but not to my liking.

If I had a genie in a bottle [and they granted me 6 wishes] I would rub on it and ask for love, happiness,wisdom,compaionship,trust/communication and money. These are the six core things to me that make the world go around and what makes us who we are or at least who we apppear to be.
...........I love hard [and I will fight for what I believe in] and even sometimes it probably is too much but I love being in love, I love the word love and I love the defination of it. I ask for happiness because at the end of the day I want to smile but I also want my soul to smile :). Plain and simple I want wisdom so not also can I guide myself but I can also assist you with your work.Compaionship is also self explanarty, I would rather be comfortabole in his arms then my very own bed. Communication and trust play a very big role becuase it makes any friendship,relationship.And last but not least but money...money makes the world go around but it also can tarnish ones repuation or better yet control your life.

I Guess Good Guys Finish Last Too..

I always ask myself this question but I can't seem to get a clear, crisp answer.....
Why do people turn away those who like/love them the most?

[I wont say any names] There is this boy who has liked me for almost a year now but I just dont feel the same way about him like he doese me. He is a wonderful person who possess alot of qualities that any female would love but I just dont have that connection with him [and I feel bad]. Unlike most boys he would honestly do anything to make me happy or even be in a relationship with me but I just dont see myself with him. We have talked about dating but that conversation didnt even feel right to me.

* Should I suck it up and try to move further with him or will that be me forcing myself to like him?
* Is he what I really need and I'm the one who is picking the wrong type?


He does not deserve to be hurt and I definately dont want to hurt him because I have been hurt too much in the past so I need your help....

Play the Part....Ending Lust @ Love

Another Saturday night at Love!
Me & the partner in Crime [Mara for those who dont know] went to Love this past weekend.Not even bragging but we looked very good lol. But anyway we were there for Clair Bear's 21st bday and while we were there many events occured,both shocking but one I wouldl love to forget and one that I will always remember. So lets talk about the one I have already forgot lol...the boy who I was talking to [so yea he was considered a boo] decided to come to the club with another female and bun up with her the whole entire night. ATTN: THE CLUB IS NOT FOR BOO LOVING! Did I mention I didnt know that we werent still talking so it made the situation worst. But they continued to boo love anyway, I have to say I felt disrespected but boys tend to do whatever they want and not care about others feelings.So I am officialy done with him and Im kinda sad it had to end on that note because I have nothing ever to say to him honestly and he was even friend material.
Now the second incident was definately alot better.....when Mara and I were ready to leave the club [because it was so boing] we went to the 3rd floor & who did I spot,the one and only DJ Tay James! He siced our life so much.He let us come into the dj booth and just chill with him and other fellas from CollegeRadio.I have never had such a relaxed but fun time like that,we were dressed the part so why not enjoy yourself with people who could play the part!! Me and Mara still talk about that night and I will probably compare that to everynight at love.

Childhood Remembered!!

Me and thr girls were all sitting down talkng about the future and what it holds but somehow we started to discusss our pasts; our faovirte shows and toys.Its funny how in 2009 the children change their favorite shows and toys all the time {High School Musical,Hannah Montana,Jonas Brothers & etc}and it makes some people finaically insecure becuase they are trying to make their child happy.When I was a child we didn't have to do all that.Our parents put us in their room, the play room or even sometimes in our room to enjoy ourselves.

Here are just some of the shows that I learned that I miss alot & cant wait to youtube them to watch the best of the best episodes unless i can find the seasons on dvd's

- Recess
- Fillmore
- Harriet the spy
- Magic school bus
- Peper Ann
- Power Rangers
- Rugrats
- Brunos world
- Where in the world is Carmen San Diego
- Bobbys World
- Dexters labortary
- Hey Arnold

- Celebrity Deathmatch

There is also a Toy list because who didn't have a fun time with all their toys. I wish I cpuld have saved some of these because I surely want my children to play with these becasue the new toys are so simple and cost so much and can only keep a child entertained for about two minutes.

- American doll
- Furby
- Beanie babies
- Cabbage patch kids
- Pokemon
- Giga/Nano pets
- Easy bake oven
- Gameboys
- Legos
- Pooch
- Magic bottle baby
-Polly pocket
-Sega genisis [game sytem]

- Barbie & Ken

The Rap Up

So school is almost out and this year has yet been another learning experience and that’s what life is: Lessons! There are things that I didn’t want or expect to happen but that’s life and that’s why everyday is a path yet traveled [so leave the regrets at the door and move on]. Throughout this year I have gained several wonderful friends and even people that I see myself talking to years after college but then there are people that I feel off with because of certain situations and again that’s all about learning about life and how people work. At the end of the day I came to school to get an education [which Hampton is low key slumming on lol] and that’s what I got this year. All the drama and issues are just obstacles that I had to face but at the end of the day the petty fights and the senseless drama is all over with because believe you me next month I wont remember about it and I’m not going to let myself loose sleep over it! But for now I’m waiting until the next journey and hope it brings many smiles and memories [more positive than negative]!!

Controlling My Fall

So im confessing that I am falling for someone but honestly I don't want to. I have been hurt in the past so I'm not open to being hurt again. So how do I protect myself in this situation? Of course he says he wont hurt me and of course I want to believe him but why....at then end of the day hes just like everyone else and I know I will be hurt [maybe not right now but somewhere down the line]. Should I just continue to fall and wait on the heartache or put a wall up and hope that he decides to break it down and not walk away from it?

So until I have an answer that I am happy with I'm going to see if I can control my emotions and just go with the flow............

Pursuit of Happiness

I love my girls with all of my heart and I love all the memories we share and the conversations we have and because we are getting older certain things are always brought up. The conversations seem to be getting old but we are at an age where friendships and relationships are a point of survival and without them we aren’t exactly complete.
One day while I’m talking to one of my friends I can’t wait until she says “sis, bestii, morgy….I’m happy & his name is_____”. You don’t know how many times a day I pray for that and one day I know my prayers will be answered on that!

I can’t wait to add one of my girls or even myself to this list!!